Unfortunetly on Sunday I stayed up later than I should have so missed my early morning writing tutorial appointment on Monday, because I slept later than I planned too. I got a good ten hours of sleep though showing that I am probably not depressed based on sleep disturbances as a depression symptom. But I made it to my psychologist appointment and basically decided to bring my study load down next term to two courses, one in law and one in statistics. This will mean I will graduate earlist by the end of fall 2005. I also made it in to see my math teacher and ask for some help but he hasn't been able to help much beyond pointing out errors in my MATLAB code which don't seem to work even with his corrections. Also he pointed out my derivative errors for my implicit backwards Euler solution. I also attended a scholarship awarding and bumped into an old physical geography professor who is working as a dean now. He recognised me after some 20 years of not seeing me which I think is amazing but then I had won this scholarship two years ago so he could have seen my name recently. Also I have sent him an occassional email recently.

I just completed my paper, adding a few more sentences from yesterday, and also last night I had changed all the ibids and supra's to italics, and will hand it in later today as I am up all night getting some more quiet reading done. I also just checked my student email account and found out that the professor in our drug law course has basically canceled class tomorrow although we must show up for five minutes or so to do a class evaluation. This is good because this will mean I can possibly get home by 12:30 and be asleep by 1 PM for a 26 hour day and also I don't need to do important in class verbal interaction stuff at the end of this day. That is always when I babble at the end of long days and it is never good for in class talking. This is the good news that the day won't last until 4 PM today. This sleep adjustment was made as well as cancelling my attendence at our role playing game this week so that I can make it to my early morning Thursday class because it is the last class and we will have the all important exam review in Thursday's class.

Well since I got my paper completed yesterday I have been not studying. But I did not make all my study goals yesterday. I did not complete any more math questions and had meant to complete one more yesterday. I did contact the professor by email and made an appointment to see him today just before my school psychologist appointment. Then after seeing the school psychologist who is really my only psychologist these days, I am going to an awarding of a scholarship ceremony. E whose is a chair person and a film student is winning the scholarship this year that I won in 2002. I have to brief a case too before Tuesday and in the morning late today I have a late morning appointment with a writting tutor to go over my drug law paper.

My drug law paper was my most important and immediate deadline. It is natural to relax a little after I got that done. I have been up for 23 hours now. I really should sleep now and get up at 9 am. I have all my school work printed out that I need tomorrow. I will also pick up some assigments to be graded.

I am still being affected by the schizophrenia's ambivalence. What I can't decide is " am I a cop or not?" I tell everyone I can't be a cop because I can't drive or may be can't safely operate a weapon. But who knows about the police gun thing. I also can't decide on school courses for next term. It is better when I do decide ahead of time and stick to that decision. I am figuring that a 10 hour schedule of classes on one day is too much so studying statistics next term no longer looks good. The opposite studying three law courses doesn't make sense as I don't really need that many credits in law. I did a SAS program of my own to solve a problem a few hours ago late at night on Sunday. Maybe I only need one law course next term and my honours paper. It might be good to reduce my stress levels and I might find more time to do things I have been letting go of like writing science fiction, radical union administration, volunteering, playing music, getting certified in computer skills. Ya I'll only study two law credits next term. But I will wait until after seeing the psychologist tomorrow and perhaps wait until I get my grades near the end of December.

I had a tutorial lab yesterday in MATLAB and Euler & Runga Kutta methods. I completed it late Thursday night early Friday morning as I again shift my sleep to days over the weekend. I am up now late Friday night until mid-day Saturday. I am fairly good at programming computers and did good MATLAB code for school work. I am doing two linux oerating system installs tonight. I got the Debian 3 r2 installed on an old IBM 486 Thinkpad. I am just about to spend some time installing Fedora core 3 on my IBM PC server.

Yesterday was buy nothing day. The radicals at school had a free store and I got myself a calculator and then gave it to J later in the evening. I also got a palm handwriting computer in Chinese that is totally useless for me just like half the stuff I buy.

I am happy with school right now. Soon I will be able to say another successful school term completed. I have one more math assignment to do and then an exam for my numerical analysis course. I have to polish up my term paper in drug law and then write a take home exam. I have to complete by January a paper comparing US and Canadian law on hackers. I also have to write, again by the time school starts again, a legal brief of a Canadian hacker case from 1980.

I really was getting upset with the school's students with disAbilties Centre but today the counselor helped me proof read my drug law paper and I am doing well now.

Later today I give a lab but my teaching assistant work is winding down now. I have a couple of more assigments to grade but this week was the last week giving labs for one of my assigned courses.

I missed my morning class again this morning because I was up late last night grading assignments. I am not sure but next term I may study only statistics courses basically on only one day of the week. I will have 8 hours of class on Monday's if I choose this plan. Then only 3 hours on Wednesday's. I would need to put my legal studies on hold to do this intense statistics studies but maybe at this point in my studies that is a good idea. Whatever I do next term I won't have early morning classes.

I got to work today and yesterday grading STAT2507 papers. I should complete that work before sleeping tonight. I also started yesterday studying my numerical analysis course at a deeper level reviewing other books for Tuesday's lecture topic. I need to begin to organise my notes for the exam in this MATH3806 course. I have divided the notes by topic temporally as we met them in the lectures week to week.

Just now I proof read Tuesday morning's version of my drug law paper on treatment for addictions. I corrected a few errors and added a bit more and chopped out some other stuff. I have about nine pages now and need about three more pages but that should come naturally from Sally L. Satel's, Is Drug Addiction a Brain Disease? in Heymann, Philip B. & Brownsberger, William N. Drug Addiction and Drug Policy: The Struggle to Control Dependence (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard, 2001).

I also started to write my mini paper comparing US and Canadian computer crime laws and showing the development of this jurisprudence. I also began just minutes ago to brief the McLaughlin case from the Supreme Court in 1980. This case of unauthorized access to a university computer system propmpted paralimentary activity in creating the criminal code of Canada computer crime law.

I am going to read these books now for course review. Meaning I am scanning the books below for MATH3806 topics.

Press et la. Numerical Recipes: The Art of scientific Computing (London: Cambridge, 1986).

I have the FORTRAN code for this book on a floppy I bought a year or two ago.

this is what I'll try to study

• chapter 2 is linear algebra
  
• chapter 3 is interpolation and extrapolation
  
• chapter 4 is Integration
  
• chapter 9 is root finding and nonlinear sets of equations
  
• chapter 15 is Integration of ODE's
  

Bellomo, Nicola & Preziosi, Luigi. Modelling Mathematical Methods and Scientific Computation (London: CRC, 1995).

This book has some stuff on Runge Kutta and the code is in BASIC. I have the
floppy for this too. This is where I first read Runge Kutta but had no idea
what it was about. Today I learned Runge Kutta for y'=f(y(t)).

I am up over night on Saturday night. I spent about 45 minutes surfing ecommerce web sites looking for a PDA cell phone. I then got down to completing my legislative review of computer crime law in Canada. I got one paragraph written. I still need to work on my drug law essay tonight. My topic is forced v. voluntary treatment for drug addictions and the moral aspects of this debate.

I did get my MATLAB code to work for my numerical integration homework. I should be able to get this homework done for Monday.

I will also read about Dreamweaver and other web work topics tonight. I hope to read about SAS and also MySQL. I will also read about emergency psychiatry and learned the Mini mental status exam this past week and tried it out on my wife and and a friend, who are both normal scoring above 24 on the exam. I will also read computing literature in terms of the history of computing and ethical aspects of computing. I will also start to organise my notes for the numerical analysis exam.

I had a bad week thinking of giving up on the legal studies but I am back on track now. It was just that I had some poor written work in one law course and scored only C on that work. It is nice to score A but I guess I can't always do this. But in math I scored a perfect 10/10 on some work. I saw an academic counselor and she guessed that perhaps my skills are in math and statistics. If I want to study a lot of statistics next term I need to take a break from legal studies but if I want to get a move on and complete my second BA by the end of next summer I need to keep studying legal studies next term.

I am feeling good. My professor had agreed earlier in the term to grant me a stress break or an extension to homework deadlines if I needed one. This week I took him up on that offer. So I have till Monday to hand in my numerical integration assignment. I spent last night trying to answer the questions on this assignment. I stayed up to 4 am this morning.

I also last night rewrote a lot of my term paper for my drug law course. It is looking good now but maybe not on topic enough or clear enough. Clarity and lack of muddled thinking will be very important with this professor.

I should update you the reader on my school work. I am still taking two law courses and one mathematics course at Carleton University.

One of the law courses is a drug law course and I have completed about 30% of the work for this course. I have put in about 30 hours outside of the class room for this course so far on those assignments that are completed. I have also put in another amount of hours on my term paper. I have also put in about 1 hour for every class room hour reading the weekly readings. I have only missed one class in this drug law course because of night shift hours messing up my schedule. This was last week.

In my other law course I have been reading widely but most concentrating on getting one particular book read completely. I have about 13 pages written in a 60 page paper. I am thinking today of withdrawing from this course for next term.

In my math course in numerical analysis which was a real test case course because it has two 8:30 am classes a week I have done so so. I mean at first I made all my classes and scored poorly on assignments. By now I have missed about four classes and my marks have come up considerably back to an honours level. I enjoy the lectures and can interact well with the professor in the classroom. I also seem fairly good at MATLAB programming. I did get a copy of MATLAB for my home use. I have my fifth assignment due tomorrow and will be doing it tonight but have already started fifty percent of the work. I don't put a lot of outside the classroom work into this math course but that could change by the exam and end of term.

I am completing marking some statistics assignments this morning. I have to give a lab in this course this week and prepared by watching the professor give this lab yesterday.

I have been doing some MATLAB programming yesterday and have an assignment due in numerical analysis this Friday. I should also start reviewing my notes and that textbook to prepare for the exam in this course

I have completed the cultural representations section in Hacker Culture. I have not written anything more yet for my leglisative review. My supervisor for this paper will not be working in December.

I have the readings done again for this week's drug law seminar. I should also be getting my mark back for my reaction paper on Howard Becker. I have also rewritten my term paper and have a fairly concise paper now. I have to complete reading one more article on treatment at least and some more of The Diseasing of America by Stanton Peele. This is a really interesting course but I am not sure I will do that great with it. I need to study more for it.

I am reading about self help groups world wide and also disaster studies. The books pose a social construction framework for these phenomena and I reflect on my own life in the community and my volunteering in the helping professions.

I am doing a fair amount of web mastering work and this work is being paid for by my union and by the self help network.

I am also researching Internet and other IT development in the developng world.

I have started my legislative history research and also a case law history for computer crime and my honours paper. I will hopefully have something good written up by next Tuesday for this research. I should also have the book Hacker Culture by Douglas Thomas read by the end of next week. I gave my supervisor a hard copy of my course journal on Tuesday this week. He asked me if I was seeing anything in common in the case law and I was able to report that I was and that my hypothetical scenarios were based on the case law. I also emailed my ecommerce professor yesterday afternoon describing this terms studies and he emailed me back asking my plans for next year ater my BA is done. That's a good question and I am right now planning on graduate school for next year.

I started to prepare for working in the STAT2507 lab later today. This week and last week we are working on confidence intervals. Last week I took up the mid-term and also reminded the students of basic formulas for confidence intervals and point estimators. This lab today will cover small samples and the student's t test. I have no grading in this course this week.

I took back about 16 books to the library this week and last week as I focus more on my own courses this term and narrow my usual broad scope of reading.

I was able to complete three of four questions on assignment #4 in MATH3806 last week. I worked hard on the three questions I did complete and put in about 5 or 6 hours on that assignment. This week's assignment I have worked on by reading section 7.1 in the textbook. I hope to read sections 7.2 and 7.3 this morning before our lecture at 8:30. I have renewed the books I borrowed on numerical analysis. My eMac's printer is working and I have been able to print out my MATLAB code and graphs at home on my new copy of MATLAB 7.

I worked the labs in STAT2606 and my supervisor said I was doing a great job with this course. We used infile statements and also proc means and proc chart this week. I investigated the SAS Base programmer certifiction and registered an on-line account with Prometric testing and can do my test at a test centre three blocks from where I live. I have gotten started this week grading the assignment #3 and should be completed this grading by the end of this week or early next week. I will also a proctor the student's second mid term tomorrow evening.

I decided to stay with my original term paper for my drug law course. I missed this week's lecture in this course. I am reading a few articles that should help me connect my arguments so far with a more legal view of treatment.

It is Rememberance day in Canada today. I will remember my grandfather an Air Commander in the RCAF and a brother of his who died fighting in Italy and my grandfather a Estonian freedom fighter. Also some of my family were shot by Stalinists. As well I will remember two other soliders both of whom are alive at this moment. One is a fellow I grew up with who has fought mostly in the Middle East with the Canadian forces. He was a military doctor. As well I know someone through the Internet who is presently in hospital from wounds suffered in Iraq and is fighting for his life in that hospital.

I will also pause today to reflect on my own committments to peace and justice and the fact that wars have brought us technology. I will think of Alan Turing and the development of computers and also think of arms sales. I will reflect as well on the horror of war and think back on my peace movement activities of the past thirty or more years.

I note that I am not studying war these days and only in studying computer security and law and working in security am I possibly contributing to injustice. I certainly hope I am not contributing to injustice but there is always a possibility of being wrong.

I borrowed these books this week for my legal studies. I did not borrow any math or statistics books this week.

Danesi, Marcel. Forever Young: The 'Teen-Aging' of Modern Culture (Toronto, Ont.: University of Toronto, 2003).

This book I have read the first two chapters of yesterday. I have always had an interest in youth culture and have been a member of a youth culture non-profit collective in the 1980's. This author is a University of Toronto professor of culture and anthroplogy. He has taught there for about the same length of time as my uncle, since the early 1970's. This book was given a bad review in The Peer Review a Canadian graduate student magazine and was the only book reviewed in that issue of the magazine available to borrow yesterday at school.

Cohen, Stanley. Moral Panics and Folk Devils: The Creation of Mods and Rockers 3rd ed. (London: Routledge, 2002).

This book and the concept of moral panics is popular in our legal studies departmment. As such, I should read this book. I have also been using the concept of a moral panic in my legal studies writings and thus need to understand the orginal concept and already this morning have read the introduction to the third edition which clarifies the meaning of the concept and shows its misuses.

Humphreys, Keith. Circles of Recovery: Self-Help Organizations for Addictions (Cambridge, U.K.: Cambridge University, 2004).

This is for my drug law course and may lead me astray. It may not have any legal content and thus could use up lots of my time. Although I have been studying this topic and the book promises to be more of solid study about self help efficacy. It is also for my community activism in the disAbled community of consumer survivors or users of mental health services.

Glasser, Irene. Homelessness in Global Perspective (New York: Macmillan, 1994).

This is to help wih local activism in particular IWW union activism.

Gleeson, Brendan. Geographies of Disability (London: Routledge, 1999).

This book was borrowed to support my studies and local activism in disAbilities. I have also belonged to an Internet email list for discussions of diaAbilities and geography for about 6 years.

Midgley, Mary. Animals and Why They Matter (Markham, Ont.: Penguin, 1983).

This book I found searching animal rights at both amazon.com and also a bibliography yesterday on Animals Rights. It will help me research environmental politics and playing the Cyberpunk 2.0.2.0 off shot game Cybergenerations.

Thompson, Stacy. Punk Productions: Unfinished Business (Albany, N.Y.: State University of New York, 2004).

I borrowed this book because I am interested in punk rock and was a punk rocker in my late teens and throughout my twenties.

I took back to the library two medical books. Both were doctors handbooks on drugs. One book was describing the consequences of alcohol and drugs of abuse. The other book described the plants and uses and affects of herbal psychoactives.